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今天聊一聊小水牛的另一个问题:当了几十年老师,最大的遗憾是什么。很努力地去回忆,感觉中似乎有一些遗憾,但回忆不起来有哪些。
在想,本质上,“遗憾”就是hindsight bias 后见之明----当初我应该怎样怎样,希望自己有“先见之明”,其实,你过去做的决定和选择都是有理由的,都是根据当时当地的具体情形来做出的,都是make sense的,只是时过境迁,你却要把你当时的决定放在此时此刻的语境里来看,那些选择或者决定就会显得可笑甚至是十分荒谬的,遗憾产生了。
同样的,从今往后,我们的决定一定是在一个“史无前例”的环境里做出的(所以没有先例可借鉴的),以后也一定会发现很多今天的选择是明天的遗憾-----这是可以预见的;想一想,是否买过一件衣服,穿了没几天就后悔了?再想一想,看着你的那个曾经让你爱得死去活来,几近完美的,非嫁不可或者非娶不可的另一半,你这几年脑子里是不是常会闪出一个念头:当初怎么就选了他/她?你的衣服没变,你的另一半也没变,变的是时间和环境,是你自己:变得更挑剔了,变得更不愿容忍了,变得更沉溺过去了,变得更不愿原谅了---包括你自己。
这么多年来,我在教室里教室外,说过很多话,做出很多决定,这些话和决定曾经让我自责和后悔,但渐渐地,那些所谓的遗憾都变成了有趣的经历,最终让我相信,这些所谓的遗憾都是我必须经历的,是我应该为此感激的学习机会,没有这些磕磕绊绊,我何以能成长?
每年年底,都有一些12年级的家长会发给我一些电邮,摘录两个:
Hello Mr Zhang
I wanted to thank you for inspiring and engaging Sam in his Chinese classes.
He speaks about you a lot and he is clearly very fond of you.
He will miss you next year. And we will miss hearing about your wonderful classes and the discussions you engage in with the young men you teach!
Please accept our thanks and gratitude for your guidance and support of Sam.
Best wishes to you for your retirement
Megan & Paul
Dear Wei Zhang,
I’d like to thank you for all the extra tuition and guidance you gave Patrick this year. Irrespective of what marks he ends up with I believe you were the teacher who had the biggest positive impact on him during his years at St Josephs. For that myself and Sian are very grateful.
We wish you a happy and restorative holiday break, and I’ll leave you with the wise words of one of my favourite writers, the Italian polymath Roberto Calasso. It’s a line that I’m often quoting to my own writing students at Deakin.
The horse of the mind must submit to the harness of the word.
All the best,
g
看着那些照片和这些电邮,我怎么还会有遗憾呢?
没有!
…………………..
不写了,再写下去,这个后记要比前面的主篇长了,要写,也许另开一篇比较合适,感觉中,读者不是很讨厌我瞎叨叨,很开心,借这个机会,谢谢大家!
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