求一个英文笑话,大概能讲2-3分钟的

echozhao

怪我平时不注意收藏,有人转发的好看的笑话都删了.公司搞活动,人人要上台讲,请足迹的同胞们支持一下,奉献一下看到过的经典笑话.非常感谢了>

azurechris

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?  A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.  She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.  She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.  She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.  'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'  The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.  The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.  'Yes, I do' she replies.  The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.  'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'  'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.  The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'  'I remember that too' she replies softly.  He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...  'I would have been released today.'

houge

there was a mountain. On top of that mountain there lived an old monk and a young one. One day, the young monk ask the old one to tell a joke. The old monk said: "Once upon a tim, there was a mountian. On top of that mountain ...."

你想讲多少分钟都行。。。

[ 本帖最后由 houge 于 2009-12-8 19:30 编辑 ]

azurechris

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'  And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."  And then the fight started.... ****************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, andslipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."   My loving wife of 1 year replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"   And that's how the fight started... ****************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!   He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"  So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"   And then the fight started.....  *****************************************  My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'   I bought her a bathroom scale.   And then the fight started... ******************************************  When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.   And then the fight started... ****************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.   The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application   When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'   And then the fight started...   ******************************************   My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'  'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'   And then the fight started... ****************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself."   And then the fight started... ****************************************** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'   The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'   And then the fight started.....

iami

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test . . . we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car!

韬光养晦

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

这首歌唱3遍

roo81

学狗叫！！！

pal

粗俗的要吗？好像是叫7 words you can't say in tv

benbendan

2个渔夫打鱼时捕到1只美人鱼，渔夫甲上下看了半天，把她放了；渔夫乙问道：why？渔夫甲回答：how？  

cocowhite

我上次在班上讲了个关于印度人说英语的笑话，说一个印度同学碰到另一个印度同学，甲问乙：how old r u ,乙回答：i am Dirty ! 甲说：I  am Dirty too !
因为我学他们的发音学的很像，所以大家都笑了，我们班里的印度人也都爆笑