zt - what are men like - 浅黄色英语笑话

cooler

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like Government Bonds. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots.  All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

[ 本帖最后由 cooler 于 2009-2-9 13:07 编辑 ]

cooler

match一个，不过很久以前看过类似的中文的了。

A Man's Guide To Female English

-- We need to talk = I need to complain

-- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

-- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

-- We need = I want

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

-- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

-- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

-- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

-- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

-- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

-- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

-- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

-- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

-- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

-- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

-- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

-- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

-- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

-- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

-- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

-- Yes = No

-- No = No

-- Maybe = No

-- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

-- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

-- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

-- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

-- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?