What do you think about him when you miss him?

xblues

几年以前的事情了，现在回想起来那时候的的心情，已经离开我那么的遥远。如今我早已经离开了上海，而那个男孩子已经不知去向。生活在悉尼，同样类似的事情还在上演，比那一次好要严重，不过经历了几次以后，我的这些都是必要的经历，几次以后，我就会习惯，这是一个学习的过程，无奈，也不想经历（如果我有所选择的话）。每一次经历以后，心就被撕掉一小块儿，真的希望在已经没后心肝以前，成功一次，当然没有最完美的恋人，先找到一个再说。

I even felt I would be so happy even if I only get a little piece of him then, I almost forgot all these feels to him now. This is life: if something doesn't work, we move on.

A boy who I met randomly shuts me down over a SMS after we spent 4 nights together. My mind tells me that I have to erase him from my memory, but my heart just drives me crazy, and eventually the winner always be my heart.

Was it sex that I wanted from him? Yes, the sex was wonderful to me, and I know it can always get better and better. But I know it isn't sex, that the only thing, that trapped me.

I think I was actually even considering to buy a router... so when he comes over we can share the internet connection. And all those sort of small things keep popping up into my mind. Silly? Yes, I know, but isn't this what I have been imagined for years if I found someone to live together with? Shopping for a bar of chocolate can be a sweet thing of being with him.

Doesn't the feeling of miss him just make me keep thinking all those good qualities of him? Are those all true? I intend to believe so. No doubt, he's a sweet boy, at least he can be quite sweet with the one he wants to be with. Shit, I have to make him bad, make him cruel in my mind. As it's not about him, it's about me trying to get rid of him from my mind.

He wants us to be just friends, and I think I would be happy with whatever I can get from him, giving the circumstances that I am still quite crazy about him. However, I don't really believe that is going to work as long as I have feelings of being more than just friends for him. Doesn't between close friends require more real attraction than between lovers? Friends spend time together because they want to, because they truly like each other... friends don't have sex... usually, so the big sex factor will not help.

Almost two weeks since he sent me that SMS, we are still keeping in touch. He tries to tell me that he likes me so much as a friend, and he doesn't want me to feel hurt. Yes, he's sweet, but I am blind, I only wish he could wants me more than a friend. I have tried everything to let myself given up on him. You know things like erase his messages, erase his phone number, erase his messenger ID, block him on my messenger. I only wish I was born with an erase button so now it's time to push that button.

I know eventually this will be fade out from my mind, I won't feel crazy about him anymore. It will be just another sad story. Things happen, this is life.

So what I think about him at the moment? I think I can remember the first night that we were spending the time together... We shared so much thought with each other, I thought, gee, I liked this soul, and the music was wonderful.



[ 本帖最后由 xblues 于 2011-5-10 21:23 编辑 ]

靠谱的不多

Ni ya tai er xin le.

itispp

It sounds like any story told by gay friends who have recent encounters.
However, these things keep happening to gay guys.
There might be no solutions as either you or the potential (sex) partner can't hold a serious relationship.
I suppose it's all about how the relationship begins and how both are expecting it to be like. You dare not stick with strict rules like not having sex until both know each other very well, for this can be more difficult for you: that person or you are not patient enough and you will not even get one night sex.
So you get what you want already. If you want more than that: either you reflect upon self constantly and don't dream of sex partners at all; or you decide to give gay lifestyle up completely and bury the guy you dearly love inside your heart. Plight of gay's life, isn't it?
The point is you won't suffer if you don't expect anything serious. But you do need something or somebody serious in your life. You are the professional of your life. You know what you need to do or not.

Penny_Chen

C'est la vie......

大网虫

写的很细腻

momosmith

very touching story, experiencing the same feeling as you, even I am straight, it may happen to anybody.

花河马

原帖由 xblues 于 2011-5-2 00:01 发表
A boy who I met randomly shuts me down over a SMS after we spent 4 nights together. My mind tells me that I have to erase him from my memory, but my heart just drives me crazy, and eventually the winn ...

He felt the same way, but the had to.... why? Why ask?

oceangod

you won't have such feeling if you were in a relationship.

aixiaoma

写得很好

xblues

That's why I am not in one.

sarahbing

我想问的是。。。这是午夜剧场吗？

xblues