谈谈英文写作 （话题之十一（266楼）反射性(写作)思维 （Reflective Thinking）

SMART1968

垦请何老师笑侃小福州作文

SMART1968

The hall seemed to quaver in front of my eyes. My nerves rattled as if in a call of doom. Anxious, I dared to step out. One step onwards- stop and rest- another step forwards – don’t panic. After a horrendous, horrendous pause, the crowd howled. I was in clear sight, but would I manage to talk?
It had all started on the day of the public speaking contest. Unfortunately one of our team was sick. Reluctantly, I agreed to take his place. No sooner had I done so when Panic crippled me like a poisonous snake. I was going to have to go on to stage. I would have to make a speech in front of the whole  school.
Reluctance means doom!
A small crowd gathered. Taunts, threats and suggestions overwhelmed me.                  
“Do ya have a mouth?”
“Get a life!”
“You have to try your best to win, dumbo!”
“Don’t be a baby!”
“Maybe I should pretend to faint,”
“Come on, it’s only a short speech…”
… and so it was –but it would be agonizingly long for me.

Terror clamped my mouth with its cold, razor sharp talons.
“Baby need his mummy?”it cackled from a bloodthirsty mouth.
My face paled; my eyes watered; my mouth fell slack. Thinking about the schools pride, I gasped a much needed breath of courage. With a dry mouth and wavering voice, I picked up the microphone. Arrows of unrest pierced my brain as I struggled to remember the first word. Fears battled like opposing armies. Blood rushed to my brain. I stared out, way out, way way out at the crowd getting more restless by the second. Bravely I made my decision. I had no choice.
I was a little way through my speech when I thought I heard someone laugh. I tried not to feel embarrassed. Almost forgot my speech – are you sure – do it now! Like a metal slowly heating, the blood rushed to my cheeks. It showed everyone what I actually felt-not much at first-but slowly it made me think of one thing: humiliation. Oh no! I had forgotten the words. I realized the only way was to work my way through the information. From a part of memory I didn’t know I had , I procured information on the topic . Soon I realized I remembered everything. After I uttered the final word I waited for the bell… maybe there might be more time… brriiiiiinnnngggg! The bell had struck! There ensued rapturous applause. I had done it!

SMART1968

标题是trembling talks

SMART1968

Ancient Egypt
The river Nile was crucial to the survival of the Egyptians in ancient times. It was the only source of water, food and transportation to help the Egyptians and their animals thrive.
Not only was it a magnificent site the Nile River provided the only water which was used for the whole population to drink. Living in the middle of a desert isn’t easy so there has to be a water supply nearby. The Nile was the perfect place because it allowed the Egyptians to access water and adapt to such harsh environments.
Travelling through the desert isn’t the easiest way to get from one place to another. That’s why the river was so important because it was a way to transport things from one place to another. The currents of the river travelled only in one direction which made life a lot easier for Egyptians because they didn’t need to know all the different ways the water travels in or the direction in which the wind was blowing. To make things better, to carry them back was a wing going in the opposite direction in which the water was flowing. The river was so shallow sometimes bits of the Nile’s bed would rise. This caused a great danger to the Egyptian and could cause damage to their source of transportation. Whenever this happen several people has to get out and lift the bout over the sand. If the water didn’t reach a high enough level and the bed’s were exposed that would have meant that there wasn’t enough water. Without enough water the crops mould have nothing to grow them with.
Crops were the Egyptians main source of food. Farming animals to eat and reproduce was also vital for their everyday intake of food. The river provided fertile silt from the floods to grow wonderful crops. If the river flooded too low the crops wouldn’t flourish as well as it normally would. So the pharaoh couldn’t take in as much tax as he normally would have. If some farmers were affected so badly they couldn’t pay their taxes they normally went into a phase of starvation until the next flooding season. Not only did the crops need the water but so did the animals. The farm animals were another necessary part of the Egyptians food source because they had to eat some source of meat.
Whenever the flooding season started all the Egyptians would move further inland, Closer to the heart of the desert. This was where the servants made stone statues they were constructing of the pharaoh, gods and goddesses. If they weren’t making statues they were constructing the pharaoh’s after life headquarters. Apart from making pyramids they also made temples where they would pray for the gods and hope they would bring luck and wealth to them. During this period of time the silt from the water would have settled in the ground. With the silt the Egyptians could provide food as gift to the pharaoh, gods and goddesses.
Keeping clean was also important because after a hard day at work the pharaoh and Egyptians would’ve been expecting to have a nice wash, to wash away all unnecessary odours from the day’s work. Without washing there would’ve been hygiene problems and health issues. Especially for the poorer people because they didn’t have a clean as place as the pharaoh’s living environment.
As well as having to serve the pharaoh and work hard they had to eat. All humans do and they needed lots of it because there was a lot to feed. The animals needed to eat, the children, the pharaoh, gods, goddesses and most importantly themselves. Without the food they wouldn’t have had enough energy to do the daily work necessary and the Egyptian would have crippled into nothing.
Without much knowledge on writing the Egyptians had scribes. These people were hired by rich people who could afford them. Scribes were used because they didn’t have a writing system then and didn’t have the knowledge to communicate with each other. On the banks of the Nile were reeds. These were dried then sewn together to use to make papyrus. It was then used to write in.

[ 本帖最后由 SMART1968 于 2010-8-10 13:38 编辑 ]

SMART1968

多谢何老师的指点，受益很深。谢谢！

SMART1968

能请何老师讲评一下吗？老师说是抄来的，小福州说是自己写的，小福州很气以不肯去补习了。

[ 本帖最后由 SMART1968 于 2010-8-25 12:59 编辑 ]

SMART1968

需要这老师评语也传上来吗？我真不知这老师怎样。

[ 本帖最后由 SMART1968 于 2010-8-25 13:25 编辑 ]

SMART1968

我把老师抨语传上来，小福州 一定要找叔叔阿姨抨理。

SMART1968

原帖由 洋八路 于 2010-8-25 13:29 发表
看到评语了。可能那个老师认为写作内容同题目出入大，就是抄袭？题目是运动员获奖，写一封信。而写的内容是战场打仗死人的。。可能有走题了。

那我可以给小福州解释了谢谢何老师

SMART1968

原帖由 洋八路 于 2010-8-25 13:33 发表
我没感觉有抄的痕迹。 内容应该是小孩子写的啊。书上的东西那肯定是不一样的。

我看着她写的，真没抄，所以我也搞不懂老师为什么说是抄的。

SMART1968

题目可以自己选小福州选的是the war champion(personal letter)要求如下

SMART1968

小福州说一定要何老师评理，上次何老师评语他心服口服，我等你等了很久了。今天才看到你在线、

[ 本帖最后由 SMART1968 于 2010-8-25 14:43 编辑 ]

SMART1968

原帖由 洋八路 于 2010-8-25 13:52 发表

你可能要叫那个老师说个道歉，用笔写和嘴说都行。不要让小孩的心里留下这个心结。

谢谢何老师，那个老师已对小福州口头道歉了，小福州也认识到何老师指出的字要写端正，这个星期的字写的有进步了。

[ 本帖最后由 SMART1968 于 2010-8-30 15:37 编辑 ]

SMART1968

何老师好，今天是小福州第一次写poetry，谢谢能帮他改一下吗。

SMART1968

Budgies
Budgies are small birds  
They are a type of parrot
I think they are cool
Thunderstorms
Big, grey
Roaring, raining, blasting
It is very dangerous
Rainstorms
Leopard
Big, slim, fast, cool
Running, climbing, pouncing
I think they are the best runners
Cheetah

SMART1968

另神童天才补习班的要求需要传上来吗？

SMART1968

原帖由 洋八路 于 2010-9-6 09:49 发表


可以啊，让大家看看。。

不知能看清楚吗？

SMART1968

谢谢何老师，这是小福州在马女士那里最后一篇，接下来考试了，不是神童天才补习班的功课。麻烦何老师了谢谢。

SMART1968

The moon was like a dimming hope in the foreboding night. Distraught and distressed, it struggled through the broken window to form a dim, dappled pattern on the dilapidated garage. Now and again, it glanced at a shadowy car park. In this stood the van, with a cracked windscreen, a cracked heart and a cracked soul. Forlornly, he remembered the garage sale.
The cars had barricaded the garage door in a frenzy of revving, honking and braking; the utes, the sport cars, the sedans, the four-wheel drives – and, in a shady corner, the old, broken-down van. The air was full of hope.               
“I travel so fast, I’m definitely going to be bought”
“And I have such plush leather seats, a luxury car if ever there was one.”
Blah, blah, blah... blah, blah, blah... and as expected, the new cars were sold to excited owners-all except for the old car. He was all dented; he was the dented car. Paralysed, he stared at the garage door as it closed. Despair set in. Total despair. Crash! The silence was punctuated. With a bang, a flashy car whizzed and zoomed and sped through the broken door and hurtled towards the car park. He skidded like tyres braking on oil, to stop in front of the dented car.
“Oh, curse the gods! I’ll never reach the engineer now! That was the last of my fuel.”
But the dented car had a plan and immediately rumbled into action.

He might have been insignificant; he might have been humiliated, but he was resolute- the dented car was going to push the flashy car all the way to the engineer. Well, he shoved and he heaved then he panted. He strained and puffed then panted. Exhaustion annihilated his inner strength, making him as fragile as a wounded sparrow.
“Must go on... must get him to the engineer... can’t pause... won’t pause”
Well he pushed and shoved then panted. He trudged and he forced then panted. The door was in his vision...just...a...few...more...pushes... and... that’s when it happened-he slipped on some oil.

Chaos ensued; propel- shoot- somersault- hurtle-cartwheel- flip- wobble-twirl- right down to a pair of sturdy work boots. Automatically, he picked up the wrench and started to work on the flashy car; admiringly he fixed up the dented car too. The dented car had just become the strong car. He puffed out his chest as he surveyed the bright light of the jubilant moon, which chuckled lightly at the engineer work shop.

SMART1968

谢谢何老师，等马女士作业改完后我贴出来对比一下，谢谢。

SMART1968

原帖由 SMART1968 于 2010-9-13 13:01 发表
谢谢何老师，等马女士作业改完后我贴出来对比一下，谢谢。

你好何老师，马女士的作业改完了我贴出来让大家看一下。

SMART1968

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SMART1968

这是小福州这学期成绩

SMART1968

我问马女士你的评分标准是什么？她说完全按照考精英中学的评分标准，下面我把马女士的评分标准贴出来让大家看一下。

SMART1968

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SMART1968

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SMART1968

原帖由 洋八路 于 2011-2-2 13:24 发表


另一个show and tell 的例子 （copyright)

Tell:

My mum is a nice person. She loves me very much. She is very friendly and always ready to help others in need.

Show:

‘Sherry, darling, it is time t ...

给你拜年了！