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本帖最后由 springwel 于 2018-7-1 16:51 编辑
三年级写到如此，很不错了。词汇量大。
但读起来有些句子很长，句式不简洁，堆砌辞藻。写作习惯不是很好。我小时候写个啥作文也喜欢用新词，堆在一起。这里就写写我自己的读后感，以及怎样写可能更好一点。
就写作来说，我喜欢简洁易懂的风格。比如老舍的，汪曾祺的，木心的，贾平凹那种，以短句居多的。《骆驼祥子》中：“六月十五那天，天热得发了狂。太阳刚一出来，地上已经像下了火……”很简洁形象，农村老太太都读得懂。英国作家毛姆说：“写作是门精妙的艺术，只有花费很大功夫才能学好。‘
下面是我对这篇文章的一些小修改。也不一定恰当或准确。毕竟英语不是母语。再说，就是汉语，鉴赏力也是很有限。。。
Drip, drop, drip, drop. Rain water was slipping down the ever-green leaves of the Amazon Rainforest. Splash, splash, when the Amazon River in its never-ending, rapid flow.
Rain water,去掉water，直接用rain，也是雨水的意思。亚马逊热带雨林，叶子肯定都是长青的。所以，Rain was slipping down the leaves of the Amazon forest.特地去掉rain，因为句子出现两个rain，显得多余，原文翻译成中文就是：雨水滑进亚马逊雨林的长青叶中。
The whole rainforest was completely silent.
The only source of sound came from the dripping of rainwater, the splashing of water and most unexpectedly, a little toad.
这两句似乎前后矛盾。前面是completely silent，后面却是三个声音，还用了the only sound。故去掉completely，去掉whole。The forest was silent，but you can hear water dripping and splashing.................
The little toad’s name was Hopper.
改用代称：Its name was Hopper.
He was an adventurous, sneaky, mischievous, curious, independent and dishonest toad.
这句话用了五个形容词。似乎太多了。
He was small in size and covered in tiny, dark-coloured warts.
去掉in size，因为small本身就是形容size的。dark-coloured，直接用dark，可以直接形容warts。
He had been adopted and named by a cat named Ivory.
被动语式。不如改成主动。而且出现两个named，似显呆板。The cat Ivory had adopted him and named him Hopper.
Hopper was really fond of Ivory for she had saved his life when he was abandoned by his mother but he still had one thing he didn’t like about her.
这句话太长了。去掉really。木心说，‘我十二分的爱你’不如’我爱你‘更显得发自内心。Ivory saved Hopper's life when Hopper's mother abandoned him. So Hopper was fond of Ivory instead of his mother.
The thing he didn’t like about her was that she never let him be by himself, outside or inside.
She always accompanied him, which sometimes annoyed Hopper.
合并：He felt annoyed that Ivory always accompanied him.
She had told him many times that it was for his safety, but Hopper still didn’t see the point of it.
Because of it, Hopper had developed a liking of sneaking out of their home under a waterfall and creeping back in later and he was never caught.
第二句也太长了。不知道咋修改。
Hopper leaped onto a branch of a tall tree and clambered to the very top.
不错。
Perched neatly on the highest branch, Hopper scanned the nearly-silent forest with his bronze coloured eyes, searching for danger and found none.
bronze eyes
He climbed down again onto the forest floor and cheerfully hopped to the riverbanks of the Amazon River. When he reached the riverbanks he hopped into the Amazon River to swim in it.
He was happily splashing around in the river when he saw a huge wave coming his way.
He was swiftly washed away by the current.
He spied a looming black rock before him, accompanied by a line of smooth, polished stones.
Bang!
Hopper slammed head-first into the black rock.
Feeling dizzy, he groped around himself with his webbed feet, searching for reeds he could cling on to. He found one, and hoisted himself onto the banks.
小朋友的词汇量很丰富。这些不查字典不认识。
He looked at the large, black rock.
He noticed it looked even smoother than the other rocks.
Curious to know if it really was a rock, Hopper pulled the rock to the riverbank.
When he examined the rock he saw that it was not a rock at all.
It was a sarcophagus.
What’s more, Hopper noticed the lid of the sarcophagus was engraved by the words: Whoever opens this tomb and disturbs the peace of the body will be cursed for all eternity by the ghost of the Beast with No Name.
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小儿女记事系列1----为什么老外那么爱跑步？ (2009-6-24) 清凉 
楼主:Ymmmi
发表于 2018-6-29 10:27
同样3年纪家长路过。。。。。。
