Some random thoughts about random things - A late night letter

fourcontinents

Dear,

How are you? Have you gone to bed already? Did you have a good day today? You must be tired after a whole day trip to the factory and all.

I am still up and have watched a lot of television tonight, which made me feel quite guilty - as there is still so much work to be done, and I could've also done some housework, serious reading, or some other things which will be usually deemed as a more valuable way of spending time. But instead of doing all those, I spent the whole night, after LM went to bed, watching soap operas which I have watched many times before and can even recite the lines. And suddenly I think I feel what you feel sometimes when you stayed up till very late and didn't want to go to bed even when you were tired. I think, sometimes, we just have so much to do, which on the contrary, makes us feel there is a void in our life. Our life is so filled up with things that we HAVE to do, leaving so little room for things that we WANT to do. So we procrastinate, then we feel guilty, then we work longer, then we feel we have been working hard, and we deserve a bit of relaxation after being working so hard, and then it is late and we still don't want to go to bed. Sorry I scolded you about going to bed too late the day before you left, because here, right here, I am doing the same (but hey, at least I know this is not good).

I just watched a couple of episodes of Sex and City, and I wonder what it is that made me so drowned to this unrealistic, cheeky show. I think it is not about how those women can be so glamorous or how many shoes Carrie owns; I think it is their friendship that I envy and hope to have. It is probably the same reason why I love to watch Friends. What is it that makes a person more able to make friends and make good friends? Is it time, is it personality, or it is language or race ,or is it simply willingness?

30something is a strange age, because it sometimes makes you feel you don't know you anymore. We are fixated in a certain life position which we are probably also happy with, but we are also longing for changes, excitement in each day's tight schedule that we try to get by.

I also don't know why I am in the Eng zone in my head now and why it feels more right to write these in a language that is not in my native tone. It is probably the "hang-over" of watching Carrie typing columns or maybe I am too shy to express these strange, random thoughts in our own language. Don't you feel the same - sometimes we feel we can say things more freely in another language that we are not so good at expressing ourselves - what a strange paradox.

My last random thought today, which might not be so random is that, discipline and endurance are the hard part for 30something people, but they are the necessities for a healthy and organized life. So let's try to be like that in 80% of our life, and be random, be crazy, be whoever and whatever we want to be in the rest of the 20%, and that, my Mr, is probably gonna work and make us happier, healthier, and better.

As I said, these are random thoughts; pretty random, aha? All right, stop the randomness now and go back to discipline - and go to bed, NOW.

bluesky

this is a long random letter, didnt finish it, anyway thanks for sharing....