辅导小朋友作文记录

苹果酒

孩子三年级，喜欢写文章，但作文水平一般，准备叫他多写写。
他喜欢历史。刚刚写的一篇。

Would I use an atom bomb?

Imagine you are President Truman’s royal advisor. You have to tell him if we should use the atom bomb to make Japan surrender. If I were you, I would say no (I’d do it on the ocean, though).

  This is because it would be killing millions of Japanese, even ones who weren’t involved in the fighting (like Sadako Sasaki). Also, it might kill some Chinese who were fighting with the Japanese, too. It will cause harm to many Japanese temples as well. It would waste money, which would be worth less. Debris would cover the ruined country, once powerful and wealthy.

  This is a plan I will use to fight off the Japanese:
1.        They send the remaining planes to Japan, at midnight, stopping at England, Russia and China for gas. They are called “Desti-Bombers who save the world”.
2.        The planes will finally arrive at the Northern Pacific, very near Japan (and Philippines).
3.        They flash lights above, to get attention from the Japanese.
4.        They drop a bomb in the ocean, telling Japan how dangerous it is. When Japan sees it, they choose between two options: Surrender or now afraid of the bomb, being bombed.
5.        Japan choose surrender (because they realize the “new” bomb the Americans discover is just super strong.
  Well, now if you had an atom bomb, would you use it?

苹果酒

我的修改意见：
第一部分，应该把投放原子弹可能带来的问题归类，让文章更加清楚有条理。
1) Loss of lives.
2) Environmental issues.
3) Other losses.
4) the moral issue involved

第二部分（如下）与主题关系不大，应该少写一些。
This is a plan I will use to fight off the Japanese:
1.        They send the remaining planes to Japan, at midnight, stopping at England, Russia and China for gas. They are called “Desti-Bombers who save the world”.
2.        The planes will finally arrive at the Northern Pacific, very near Japan (and Philippines).
3.        They flash lights above, to get attention from the Japanese.
4.        They drop a bomb in the ocean, telling Japan how dangerous it is. When Japan sees it, they choose between two options: Surrender or now afraid of the bomb, being bombed.
5.        Japan choose surrender (because they realize the “new” bomb the Americans discover is just super strong.
  Well, now if you had an atom bomb, would you use it?


具体个别字词的改动因为重要性远远不如结构改动，就不赘述了。

miashop1986

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