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Sure someone read this before, but still feel funny everytime I look at Bull market: a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear market: a six- to eight-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex. Momentum investing: the fine art of buying high and selling low. Value investing: the art of buying low and selling lower. P/E ratio: the percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. Broker: poorer than you were last year. Buy, buy: a flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. Standard and Poor (S&P): your life in a nutshell. Stock analyst: idiot who just downgraded your stock. Stock split: when your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves. Market correction: the day after you buy stocks. Cash flow: the movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. Institutional investor: past year investor who is now locked up in a nut house. EBITDA: earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor. EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering. CEO: chief embezzlement officer. CFO: chief fraud officer. |
