亚洲父母综合症 (zt)

飞儿

亚洲父母综合症  Local Access打往中国电话卡1.3￠/分种

  
来源: 唯我独醒 于 08-03-20 11:22:00 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [转至博客] [给我悄悄话]   


      
更确切地说, 这综合症的维克体姆.
本侠没时间在这里婆婆妈妈,只是看到这里某些父母如此肆无忌惮地扭曲孩子,才出来一趟.
自己去看看下面来自像你们孩子一般似的青少年之声音.仔细看着了,不要做个冥父母.

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I used to have this syndrome until my mother stopped a few years ago. Let me tell you why.

I had a friend who was around the same age as me who was really smart. He got pushed everyday. He was an only child. His chinese parents made him have like 5 tutors for every weekday (or so I've heard). My mom told me that he told her that "he wanted to die b/c of the stress". Well guess what, he did die. A rupture in the brain. This just shows that, through pressure, students can literally break under the pressure. After my mom saw the whole thing unfold, she stopped putting pressure on me and let me do the sailing.

I see a lot of these high expectation asian parents and it makes me so angry because it is such a tragic flaw for parents to have. Having high expectations, wanting their sons/daughters to be the best or beat out other rival students. It's all so friggin' stupid. I'm afraid there's no clear solution in curing your parents from high expectation. It's all related to greed, prestige, fame, vanity, etc. etc. etc. Have you tried talking to your mother? I believe that if you are trying your best, then it should end there, rather than being pushed harder. Tell her how you feel, tell her how much her yelling affects your life. It's fair for parents to want their children to succeed, but if they want them to perform beyond their ability/capacity then it is wrong.

That's my story and how this relates to me. Hope it helped.
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I sat next to an Asian girl, Glara, in biology 12. She was planning on going to university to be a doctor and was applying for scholarships that would pay for the whole thing. She freaked out when she missed questions. She got a B on a test once. She was so upset, even though she still had the best mark in the class. She needed something like a 98% average for her scholarship. She ended up winning all sorts of academic awards, getting into her university, and winning a whole lot of scholarships. But I can't see how it was worth it. As far as I could tell her social life was limited to study groups. She always kept a very calm exterior but I could tell she was stressed beyond belief some days.

I'm glad my Mom never obsessed over percentages that much. She only murdered me for getting less than a B.
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Tried many times throughout my life with failure. My mother is like a ing hawk at pin pointing quotes to use against me. My sister and I told her about how she uses our words against us by using her words against her (oh it was ironic and sweet, but not for long) and she just (pretended) to laugh and walked away (obviously shown up), but she came back 5 minutes later throwing stuff and shouting about how we're ungrateful snobs. Gotta love parents!
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My friend suffers from this since she came to the US when she was about seven from Taiwan. It's not really fair how stressed she is about her school work or music. What makes it even more frustrating is how she wants to be an English teacher, but she can't because she made a promise to herself and her parents at the age of seven to be a doctor. She also did the whole Chinese weekend school and her parents were strict about it.
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my high school? 40% asian. We didn't just have Asian Parent Syndrome. It was Asian Faculty Syndrome and Asian Friend Syndrome. The faculty doesn't pay attention to you unless you're in the top 2% or the bottom 5%. The Friend is the one who fusses incessantly about whether or not she got the extra credit 'cause she needs it to make up for the multivariable calculus test she took last month and missed the last two questions, and no, she can't hang out tonight 'cause she has an NHS event and violin practice and a safewater meeting and has to study for her Chem AP and Physics classes. No, she doesn't have a test, she just has to study.

yeah. that was all of my friends in high school.
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My school is probably 25% Asian, and including them in this, 80% immigrants. So the 'syndrome' isn't really just Asians in my experience. At my school it's everyone. That "Asian Friend Syndrome" sounds awfully familiar to me.

I know so many people who have issues with their parents about marks. My friends have broken down in class when they've gotten lower than a 95% on anything. We actually coined our own term: "Asian Fail" - See, people will say "I'm totally failing." but because there are so many overachievers, especially Asians in our school, a 'fail' for most people is under 90%. And that's an Asian Fail. Really, the state of competitiveness in my school can be more pressure than the parents themselves to some people.

In short, I feel for you. It sucks terribly.

[ 本帖最后由 飞儿 于 2008-3-21 22:38 编辑 ]

西关少爷

GOOD ARTICLE

飞儿

呵呵，印证了偶一惯的想法：不送孩子去私校(因为米不够哇)，不送孩子去补习班，不指望孩子当医生律师。。。

真的，宝宝们，妈妈只希望你们永远得健康、正面和开心。

花生

望子成龙是每个父母的想法，衷心希望父母不要给孩子太大的压力，这也是我们最终选择来澳洲的原因之一，孩子能健康快乐的成长，就很让我欣慰了。