做父母--工作速写 （博大家一笑）

虎妈

前天收到朋友email，觉得有趣，就翻译下来。不知新足迹TX以前是否看过？


职位：娘，妈咪，妈妈，妈，爹，爹爹，爸爸，爸
工作性质： 在混乱的环境中，团队的，挑战性的，永久性的工作。
候选人必须有优秀的交流能力和组织能力，愿意工作各种时间段，包括晚上，周末，和频繁的24随叫服务。
有时需要夜间旅行，包括在下雨的周末去一些原始的野营地，和不计其数的远离城市的运动锦标赛事。
旅行费用不可报销的，旅行从仆的职责是各种各样的。

职责：
在你的余生中，你必须习惯被怨恨，虽然是暂时的，直到某人需要五块钱。
你必须不时地管住你的舌头。
你不仅要有负重骡子的惊人的耐力，而且能够在短短的3秒内，从零加速到时速60米，特别是在这种情况下：从后院传来的不仅仅是狼嚎的尖叫声。
你必须愿意面对各种有刺激性的技术性的挑战，包括从小的零件的修理，离奇的厕所下水道缓慢的流水和不知怎么弄在一起的拉链。
你必须过滤一些无聊电话，维护和更新生活的日程并协助多种家庭项目的完成和生产。
你有能力计划和组织从各个年龄段，和不同精神面貌的客人的社会聚会。
你必须愿意在这一分钟内可能是不可缺少的，下一分钟你就是多余的。
你必须能够组装上百件的廉价的塑料玩具和有电池操作的设备，并验证他们的安全性。
你必须希望能到达最好，但要有做最坏的准备。
对于最终的产品的质量，你能够自圆其说。
职责也包括地板的维护，家庭财产的守门人。

可能提高和晋升
没有
你的工作就是经年地保持在同样位置，没有抱怨，而且要经常再训练和更新的技能，这样你的职责最终超越你自己。

以前的工作经历
不幸地，不需要
在令人疲惫不堪的情况下，提供现场实习。

工资和补偿

拿下它，你来付钱，支付经常性增加工资和奖金。
像气球一样增加的付费可能在他们18岁会结束，这只是假设学校可以帮忙他们实现财务的自立性。
当你离开这个世界时，你身后所剩的一切全都给了他们。
关于这个逆反的工资配置最奇怪的是：你实际上很愿意这样做，而且你还希望能做的更多。

收益
没有健康，牙医保险，没有退休金，没有学费补偿，假期没有加班费，也没有股票的分红。
如果你出对牌的话，这个工作可以提供给你个人发展无穷的机会，无条件的爱，免费的拥抱和亲吻。

请将这篇东西转寄给你所知道的父母们，感谢他们每天为了这份工作所做的一切。
让他们知道，因为他们出色的工作，他们应该得到感谢
或用爱来传递给任何想申请这项工作的任何一位

注脚：--“这工作没有退休--永远的职位”

虎妈

PARENT - Job Description
POSITION :
Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
  



              ** AND A FOOTNOTE -'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT  --  EVER!!!

realkogarah

失业是俺现在的梦想。。。。怎么没人早告诉我啊

旋木

VERY TRUE 是不是还得一年来次PERFORMANCE REVIEW？

碧海年年

原帖由 旋木 于 2010-8-5 22:10 发表
VERY TRUE 是不是还得一年来次PERFORMANCE REVIEW？

这个职业一般自己不定期review自己的performance, review直接结果就是----焦虑(monkey08)

虎妈

原帖由 碧海年年 于 2010-8-5 22:14 发表


这个职业一般自己不定期review自己的performance, review直接结果就是----焦虑(monkey08)

所以在新足迹的父母焦虑贴，会这么火！

缓缓

看来老外的父母比中国父母还＂春蚕＂。

中国的孝顺子女会回报父母的

RT123

有趣

charmaine

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

这一条最近经常发生

zz_sg

昨天我还在抱怨，家庭煮妇没有病假，可看着小嘴们，风卷残云着美食，病好了一半。

iamsheri

唉，只要是父母，就没法潇洒如挥挥手拜拜，中国人外国人都一个样。

ccgg

看见这份permanent的工作，还没有退休的时候， 心理八凉八凉的呀...

SBSC

good one

Exchange

原帖由 charmaine 于 2010-8-6 10:47 发表
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

这一条最近经常发生

我还没经历过， 估计工作经历会在不久的将来不断丰富。