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刚刚看到这个帖子，转过来大家借鉴
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Should I discipline a child who is acting aggressively toward mine at playgroup?
There are two basic rules to live by when it comes to other people's children: First, never tell another parent how she should raise her child, and second, never discipline a child who's not your own. Parents have their own way of addressing their child's behavior, and though you may wish wholeheartedly that your friend would rein in her child more firmly, it's not your call. That said, there are ways you can protect your toddler from his rambunctious playmate.
To start, resist any temptation to take out your frustrations on your child's friend. He hasn't done anything wrong other than test the boundaries, which is what toddlers do. No matter how annoyed you are with his mom or dad for not intervening, don't take your irritation out on him. Kids are smarter than most adults think, and they have powerful radar for negative feelings. If he picks up on your annoyance, he may act out even more. Instead, monitor the two children closely as they play to pre-empt any problems. When you see conflict brewing, distract them by playing loudly with another toy or breaking into song. And when your friend's child does manage to do something nice — such as sharing a toy with your child without a fight, for example — tell him how much you appreciate his friendliness. Eventually, just like any other toddler, he'll begin to learn how to behave and get along with others in his playgroup.
You may also want to suggest another location for the playdate. Toddlers are more apt to feel fidgety and act out in small areas (your living room, for example), so moving the date to a large open space such as a playground or park may lessen the opportunities for conflict. With more room to move about, the toddlers can burn off excess energy and social frustrations without stepping on each other's toes, both literally and figuratively. And, best of all, there won't be any toys to throw or books to fight over.
If the situation worsens, however, and your toddler appears completely overwhelmed and intimidated by the other child's behavior, you may want to consider taking a break from this particular playgroup. It may be that this combination of kids is not working well for your child right now, and you aren't teaching your child anything by asking him to cope with a child who's mean to him. Furthermore, your decision to separate the children might open up a dialogue between you and the other parent that could pave the way for a more long-term resolution.
接着是几个妈妈们的回帖
I think people need to really understand the difference between "discipline" and "correction". I'd be really annoyed if another parent tried to punish my child without my permission- however if my daughter was doing something obviously dangerous or naughty then I hope that the parent would correct her behaviour with words like " climbing is dangerous...you should get down" or "hitting is not nice.Please be gentle" or whatever and then bring it to my attantion (if I somehow missed it!!)That being said-I am usually the mom paying attention and have the 20 month old who tends to get pushed around a bit by the other kids. If it is harmless like snatching,my daughter tends to just give the other kid a dirty look or walk away but there are times when the other kids get physical and this is not ok. My child is not allowed to hurt people-there is no way I am going to allow someone else to hurt her. If necessary I will correct the child and also let my own know I am there for her.
posted 11/20/2007 by Emma'sMommyFeb13
We just ran into a situation this weekend where a 4 yr. old pushed our nearly-2 yr. old down just to move him out of the way. Our son was not physically hurt, but he didn't understand the cruelty. When he looked to us for answers and comfort, and while the other parent near by looked the other way, we told our son to say, "that isn't nice. That hurt". This is not an attack, but allows him to state his frustration and hurt. The 4 yr. old apologized and they kept playing.
posted 9/09/2007 by jenmo55
My friend and I have sons five months apart (15 & 20 months),hers being the eldest.Her son picked up pushing from daycare.On a playdate he deliberately went after my son and pushed him with both hands on the chest knocking my son clear off his feet.My gf saw it and said nothing to him but tried to excuse it b/c he picked it up from daycare and she hoped it was just a phase.My son cried and looked heartbroken b/c he couldn't understand why his friend would be so mean.I didn't say anything to her son,I knew it wasn't my place.But 2 more times of pushes like that with no correction-I got fed up.When I saw the wheels turning in his head yet again and watched him come for my son,I firmly pointed my finger at him and sternly told him NOT to push my son.He stopped dead in his tracks.There is only so much bullying a mom can endure to watch their child deal with.I wish she would have said something so I didn't have to but I would do it again given the circumstance.It's my job to protect my son.
posted 1/02/2008 by Anonymous
While I don't find it appropriate for other people to discipline other people's children, there are some situations where I feel it would be necessary to intervene with verbal discipline to stop a sitation from blowing up into a big (or dangerous) problem. If there's a problem, it needs to be brought to the parents' attention (because, unfortunately, some do tend to be more relaxed when other parents are around). If the parent(s) don't seem to find it important enough to discipline their own children when out on these playdates, perhaps you should consider another playgroup. All children are unique and so are their home situations. No child is always an "angel" and they all have their cranky times, but we as parents and mentors must teach them what is acceptable in our homes and the world. Outside influence is also a HUGE factor in what our children learn, and I find that most parents don't take that into account until it's too late.
posted 10/22/2007 by Anonymous
回复很多，我觉得最有用的就是教孩子自己说“stop! it hurts! "。 |
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我喜欢的《诗经》里的几首诗 (2008-5-10) big_beast 
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