Is It ture or story?

moody

原帖由 D妈妈 于 2011-1-14 21:14 发表


真的，还有一定数量？

我不太和国内学龄儿童父母有深交。平时聊聊貌似理论水平都很高的，比我们还开明一些呢

我有个朋友是教育局里的头，从他那里得知，我们那里就有很多这样的父母。都是中考高考惹的祸。上海应该没那么夸张，我们那里有能力的都把小孩送到上海求学，减少孩子的压力。

第一名

原帖由 林草123 于 2011-1-14 22:17 发表


我们不去，人家会来的啊！！！！

怎么可能

林草123

原帖由 第一名 于 2011-1-14 22:18 发表

怎么可能

怎么不可能？

第一名

原帖由 林草123 于 2011-1-14 22:21 发表


怎么不可能？

当然不可能

ljalee

如果西方的生存竞争和中国有得一拼,我相信那么他们父母的做法也和我们有得一拼.

bulaohu

原帖由 林草123 于 2011-1-14 22:17 发表


我们不去，人家会来的啊！！！！

我们有villawood detention center，还有christmas island，不怕

林草123

就不说下一代，说说俺们这代吧。尤其以中产阶级的第二代来说，也就是80年后吧。资历一般的，他们有些在美国没有好的机会，已经开始向很多别的国家开始着手了。特别是中国，韩日还有印度，阿拉伯等。如果他们跑来澳洲，他们一定会觉得很EASY的。不过不知道为什么他们似乎不太来澳洲。。。。也许是因为这里比较多RACISM

林草123

你们等着看吧，20，30年后，世界大同！

bulaohu

Are you saying we have MORE racism than US of A?

林草123

原帖由 bulaohu 于 2011-1-14 22:28 发表
Are you saying we have MORE racism than US of A?

NO，JUST JOKING。

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IF I SAY YES？

林草123

哈哈。。。。

林草123

人家老毛子还想着关起国门过自己的，结果呢。。。。

利为力。

bulaohu

原帖由 林草123 于 2011-1-14 22:29 发表


NO，JUST JOKING。

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IF I SAY YES？

nothing physical, so relax

actually I think it's really hard to judge who's worse, because both countries are doing pretty bad here

林草123

原帖由 bulaohu 于 2011-1-14 22:39 发表


nothing physical, so relax

actually I think it's really hard to judge who's worse, because both countries are doing pretty bad here

I AGREE WITH YOU。BUT I STILL HAVE  TO SAY US OF A IS DEALING IT IN A BETTER WAY。

林草123

不讨论种族问题了，我觉得这个事例我是会借鉴的。

chatchat

我觉得有两点还是“中式”教养的精华：1）我们对孩子未来的期望比洋人高，要求孩子至少比我们过得好；2）至少是潜意识，大部分中式家长认为，孩子的竞争力是孩子未来身心健康以致生活幸福的基石，所以，不能一味表扬，对孩子没有要求。AMY CHUA在访谈中也强调这点。
美国的中产阶级对孩子的要求还是要比澳洲的高，至少舆论上。我接触的美国人，华人在美国也是这样。

youpassit:)

她老公是犹太人，犹太人重视教育的程度绝不逊于中国人。两人加起来绝对是有过之而无不及。

那种对kids的harsh word，我小时候，我爸妈就说过，所以对我的心理创伤很深。虽然现在大了，早不怪他们了，但是感觉这种关心和爱很畸型。将来我有孩子，肯定不会说这些。

林草123

原帖由 chatchat 于 2011-1-14 23:02 发表
我觉得有两点还是“中式”教养的精华：1）我们对孩子未来的期望比洋人高，要求孩子至少比我们过得好；2）至少是潜意识，大部分中式家长认为，孩子的竞争力是孩子未来身心健康以致生活幸福的基石，所以，不能一味表扬，对孩子没有要求。AM ...

一个字都不能改，这也是我想说的。

patrickzhu

WSJ也不见得就做了一件歪曲这位妈妈思想的“坏事”，因为WSJ的网页上有专门的专栏让这位妈妈回答读者问题（The Tiger Mother Responds to Readers） ，在这些问答里，这位妈妈充分的表达了自己的观点和其真实的想法。

chatchat

绝对不是坏事。
为什么朱版会觉得她保养得好？

patrickzhu

Do you think that strict, “Eastern” parenting eventually helps children lead happy lives as adults?


When it works well, absolutely! And by working well, I mean when high expectations are coupled with love, understanding and parental involvement. This is the gift my parents gave me, and what I hope I’m giving my daughters. I’ve also taught law students of all backgrounds for 17 years, and I’ve met countless students raised the “tough immigrant” way (by parents from Pakistan, India, Nigeria, Korea, Jamaica, Haiti, Iran, Ireland, etc.) who are thriving, independent, bold, creative, hilarious and, at least to my eyes, as happy as anyone. But I also know of people raised with “tough love” who are not happy and who resent their parents.

There is no easy formula for parenting, no right approach (I don’t believe, by the way, that Chinese parenting is superior—a splashy headline, but I didn’t choose it). The best rule of thumb I can think of is that love, compassion and knowing your child have to come first, whatever culture you’re from.

It doesn’t come through in the excerpt, but my actual book is not a how-to guide; it’s a memoir, the story of our family’s journey in two cultures, and my own eventual transformation as a mother. Much of the book is about my decision to retreat from the strict “Chinese” approach, after my younger daughter rebelled at 13.

patrickzhu

I have a 20-month-old, and my husband and I both enjoyed the article. How can you apply this to toddlers?

We didn’t actually do anything that different when my daughters were toddlers, just the same kinds of things that you probably do already: read picture books with them, took them for strolls and to the playground, did puzzles with them, sang songs about ABCs and numbers and mainly snuggled with and hugged them!

Maybe the only thing different I did is that I always had a babysitter or student speaking in Mandarin to them every day, for at least four to five hours, including weekends, because I wanted my girls to be bilingual. (I wanted my daughters to learn from native Mandarin speakers, because my own native Chinese dialect is Fujianese [Hokkien], and my Mandarin accent is terrible.)

学中文！赫赫

patrickzhu

Your method may work with children with a native high IQ—but demanding that kind of excellence from less intelligent children seems unfair and a fool’s errand. Demanding hard work and a great effort from children is the best middle ground we can reach philosophically, isn’t it? Your thoughts?

Jokes about A+s and gold medals aside (much of my book is tongue-in-cheek, making fun of myself), I don’t believe that grades or achievement is ultimately what Chinese parenting (at least as I practice it) is really about. I think it’s about helping your children be the best they can be—which is usually better than they think! It’s about believing in your child more than anyone else—even more than they believe in themselves. And this principle can be applied to any child, of any level of ability.

My youngest sister, Cindy, has Down syndrome, and I remember my mother spending hours and hours with her, teaching her to tie her shoelaces on her own, drilling multiplication tables with Cindy, practicing piano every day with her. No one expected Cindy to get a PhD! But my mom wanted her to be the best she could be, within her limits. Today, my sister works at Wal-Mart, has a boyfriend and still plays piano—one of her favorite things is performing for her friends. She and my mom have a wonderful relationship, and we all love her for who she is.

patrickzhu

Ms. Chua, are you a happy adult? Do you look back on your childhood and feel that it was happy? Do you remember laughing with your parents? Do you wish that you could have taken ballet or been in the high school musical?

I was raised by extremely strict—but also extremely loving—Chinese immigrant parents, and I had the most wonderful childhood! I remember laughing constantly with my parents—my dad is a real character and very funny. I certainly did wish they allowed to me do more things! I remember often thinking, “Why is it such a big deal for me to go to a school dance,” or “Why can’t I go on the school ski trip?” But on the other hand, I had great times with my family (and even today, it’s one of my favorite things to vacation with my parents and sisters). As I write in my book, “When my friends hear stories about when I was little, they often imagine that I had a horrible childhood. But that’s not true at all; I found strength and confidence in my peculiar family. We started off as outsiders together, and we discovered America together, becoming Americans in the process. I remember my father working until three in the morning every night, so driven he wouldn’t even notice us entering the room. But I also remember how excited he was introducing us to tacos, sloppy joes, Dairy Queen and eat-all-you-can buffets, not to mention sledding, skiing, crabbing and camping. I remember a boy in grade school making slanty-eyed gestures at me, guffawing as he mimicked the way I pronounced “restaurant” (rest-OW-rant)—I vowed at that moment to rid myself of my Chinese accent. But I also remember Girl Scouts and hula hoops; poetry contests and public libraries; winning a Daughters of the American Revolution essay contest; and the proud, momentous day my parents were naturalized.”

And yes, I am a happy adult. I am definitely a Type A personality, always rushing around, trying to do too much, not good at just lying on the beach. But I’m so thankful for everything I have: wonderfully supportive parents and sisters, the best husband in the world, terrific students I love teaching and hanging out with, and above all, my two amazing daughters.

patrickzhu

What is your relationship with your daughters like now?

I have a wonderful relationship with my daughters, which I wouldn’t trade for the world. I certainly made mistakes and have regrets—my book is a kind of coming-of-age book (for the mom!), and the person at the beginning of the book, whose voice is reflected in the Journal excerpt, is not exactly the same person at the end of book. In a nutshell, I get my comeuppance; much of the book is about my decision to retreat (but only partially) from the strict immigrant model. Having said that, if I had to do it all over, I would do basically the same thing, with some adjustments. I’m not saying it’s for everyone, and I’m not saying it’s a better approach. But I’m very proud of my daughters. It’s not just that they’ve done well in school; they are both kind, generous, independent girls with big personalities. Most important, I feel I’m very close with both of them, knock on wood.

patrickzhu

上面这些回答中，她的思想比在电视访谈中表达要更完整。
推荐先读一下。

[ 本帖最后由 patrickzhu 于 2011-1-14 23:33 编辑 ]

林草123

福建女子都是这个摸样，总不能让她像东北女子那样妖娆吧？长不出来啊。

碧海年年

这个妈妈长相咋看咋像白雪公主的后妈。。。发起飙了，肯定很厉害。。相有心生。。。

loushenghong

中国+犹太
不难想象。

墨尔本就4所犹太人学校，都在Top 10里面。

dootbear

美国彪悍华裔虎妈引热议 作者答疑：重来也是同样做法(图)
来源：
http://news.backchina.com/viewnews-123071-gb2312.html




　　「华尔街日报」8日刊出耶鲁大学法学教授蔡美儿新著「虎妈的战歌」的书摘，这篇「中国母亲何以更优越」引起广大迴响，「华尔街日报」网站就有4000多篇评论，「脸书」社交网站也出现大约10万份评论。以下是蔡美儿对一些读者的答覆：

　　问：你认为严厉的「东方」式教养真能协助子女成年后生活快乐吗？

　　答：这种教养方式如果运用得当，绝对可以！所谓运用得当，是指父母必须用爱心、瞭解和参与，配合对子女的高度期望。这是父母教我的，我也希望传授给女儿。我在法学院教各种背景的学生也已17年，碰到过无数在「艰苦移民」教养下成长的学生，而他们都很上进、独立、大胆、富有创意、很会玩闹，至少在我看来过得很快乐。但是，我也认得一些在「强悍的爱」裡成长，对父母怀著怨恨的不快乐的人。

　　教养子女没有任何简单的模式可循，没有所谓的正确做法(附带一句，我并不认为中国式的教养比较优越。这种标题很耸动，可是那不是我选的)。我所能想到的最佳准则，最重要的就是要爱护、同情和瞭解孩子，不论你来自何种文化。我的新书不是教养子女指南，而是回忆录，记录我们家族在两个文化的历程，以及我后来身为人母的转变。这本书大部分是在描述我的小女儿13岁开始叛逆后，我如何决定摆脱严厉的「中国式」教养。

　　问：我有个20个月大的孩子，外子与我都很喜欢这篇文章。如何把这套教养方法用于幼儿？

　　答：其实我女儿小时候，我们没有什麽不同的做法，你可能已经这样做：与她们一起看图画书，带她们去散步和到运动场，与她们一起做披萨，一起唱歌，主要是拥抱她们！唯一不同的或许是我每天都安排保母或学生与她们说中文至少四、五个小时，连周末也不例外，因为我希望女儿通两种语言。

　　问：你的方式对天份很高的孩子或许管用，可是要求没那麽聪明的孩子表现杰出似乎不公平，也愚不可及。我们顶多只能要求孩子勤奋努力，是不是？

　　答：我并不认为分数或成就是中国父母真正的期望，我觉得他们只是想尽力帮助孩子，而其效用通常超乎他们的想像！他们相信孩子的能力，甚至相信孩子比他们更有出息。这种原则适用于任何孩子，不管他们能力高低。

　　问：蔡女士，你现在快乐吗？回想过去，你觉得你的童年快乐吗？

　　答：我是由极度严格，也极度爱孩子的中国移民父母教养成长，童年过得非常快乐！我经常与父母一起欢笑。我当然希望他们让我做更多事情！不过，在另一方面，我们家庭生活非常快乐。是的，我是快乐的成年人。我对自己拥有的一切充满感恩。

　　问：你与女儿现在关系如何？

　　答：我们母女非常亲近。我当然犯过错。我的书有点像(母亲的)成长历程，书摘所反映的开头的人，与结尾的人并不完全相同。这本书大部分是在描述我如何决定(部分)摆脱严格的移民教养模式。儘管如此，如果必须重新来过，我基本上还是会採用同样的做法，只是做一些调整。