|
|
此文章由 daniello 原创或转贴，不代表本站立场和观点，版权归 oursteps.com.au 和作者 daniello 所有！转贴必须注明作者、出处和本声明，并保持内容完整
今天小孩将她在学校Writers Workshop发表的文章给我看，让我评价一下。
但是，但是，俺英文水平实在有限啊，这文章又挺长的。。。。。请各位大神帮忙花点时间给看看，给个客观评价，谢谢了。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitle (无题？）
The blazing sun shone over the entire school,
I stoked my silky long hair and opened my boring spelling textbook.
‘Page 44 please.’’ Mr. Grumpybottom shouted across the room. I looked out of the window and saw primary school kids playing in the sun, now I know what it feels like to be a bird in a cage.
I stared dreamily into the clear blue sky with splashes of clouds, I wondered if my mother is up there. Happy, free and healthy, I wished that I could be there too.
My mother died from a heart attack, no one knows why but I can still remember how she died. The last words she said was
‘I know you’ll get a good grade and a successful future.’
‘Briar, what is our third school norm?’ Mr. Grumpybottom shouted as he raised his eyebrow
‘We respect each other’s ideas.’ I grumbled grimly.
‘And were you following it? He said while raising his second eyebrow.
‘Maybe, maybe not.’ I grumbled this time but feeling playful.
‘To my office door!!!!!’ he shouted and the window cracked.
I walked slowly to the big blue piece of wood and walked pass my nemesis.
‘Epic fail!’ Raven whispered gleefully.
Leaning on the cold hard block of wood, I held back tears and glanced at Holly, I wished I could be her, she always gets good grades. Holly is Mr. grumpy bottom’s favorite little girl, no one likes that teacher, Holly says that he is the best teacher ever which is one hundred and ten percent not true!! I am not sure but she always looked lonely as if her only ever wish was to get a person who understands and care for her, a friend.
As darkness fell, the stars twinkled like a million tiny diamonds. My eyelids felt too heavy and eventually dropped. Ringgggggg!! I reappeared in a familiar classroom with a teacher who told me that I got A+ on my least favorite subject, spelling. When I gleefully got home, I saw my mother having trouble to breathe and her heartbeat slowed and stopped. ‘Noooooooooo!!’ I opened my eyes and flung up with beads of sweat on my wet forehead. That wasn’t a dream, it was reality.
I closed my eyes and began to cry uncontrollably, my mother actually died in the exact same way. I would do anything to see her again, anything.
‘Ringgggggg!!!!’ recess bell went. Twenty kids rushed out the door at the same time like a group of birds flying free and raced to the playground. I jumped on the slide and slid down. I suddenly saw a piece of floor slowly open up to reveal a hole in the ground, I inched closer towards it, It looked a little small but enough for a person to fit in, the sound of flowing water caught my intention and I thought that it would be okay to jump in. So without thinking twice, I jumped in.
‘What are you doing Holly?’ I asked with my feet dangling.
‘Saving your life!’ Holly said awkwardly.
Holly was holding on a vine with one hand and holding my hand with the other.
I closed my eyes and squeezed her hand, I felt beads of sweat dip down my blood red cheeks, it sure did look like a big drop and I immediately looked up.
I suddenly realized that we were slowly descending; the piece of vine was getting thinner as Holly looked at me with her frightful eyes and it snapped! I felt the cool air ruffle my hair as I fell down into deadly darkness at the speed of light. I swore I would never let go of Holly’s hands.
‘Splash!!’ We landed in a pool of liquid. Slimy, red, sticky and gooey.
‘Briar! Help!’ Holly called out
I quickly swam over and frantically tried to find Holly’s arm. I finally found it, grabbed her by the arm and swam to shore.
I tried to dry off but I had no towels, I managed shake some off the water off but I was still wet. I stared at Holly in shock; she stared back at me scared.
‘Where are we?’ I asked hastily
‘Isn’t it oblivious?’ holly replied, she seemed so smart and brainy
‘Easy for you to say, I don’t pay attention in class.’
‘We are in the school sewers’
We began chatting like old friends, I told her all about my dream and how bad I was at exams. She told me that she could help me with some of my homework. I also told her about raven and how the floor opened up and how Raven was looking very suspicious.
She asked me why I got in trouble in the morning and I said that it wasn’t my fault!
Suddenly, I saw a figure in the distance. She was wearing a silk dress and her hair in a bun. Somehow she looked blue and unreal.
‘mother？Is that you’ I asked with hot tears in my clear blue eyes.
I sprinted towards her; tears of joy flooded my face. Her hands were outstretched as if she’s waiting for a hug.
‘Briar, noooo!’ holly screamed at the top of her lungs.
To my surprise, I ran through her and stopped a centimeter away from a cliff.
‘Briar, behind you! Holly shouted even louder.
A pair of rough hands grabbed me and I was pushed right off the cliff and miraculously held on.
I finally found the courage to look down and saw a bubbling molten liquid, and I immediately remembered what it was despite that I hardly ever pay attention in class, lava.
‘Raven, why are you here?’ I asked with a combination of surprise and curiosity.
‘Ha-ha! How did you not know? Raven answered, she looked so happy and gleeful and she couldn’t stop laughing.
‘You see, I was the one who opened the sewer trapdoor, and I was the one to create a phantom of your beloved dead mother.’ She laughed harder.
‘Why would you do this?’ I asked now scared.
‘Ha ha’ she didn’t reply.
I saw Holly looking terrified and brave at the same time, she took a big run up and pushed Raven so she fell down into the molten liquid, I didn’t dare to look so I just closed my eyes.
‘Hold my hand.’ Holly said with a kind voice.
She really had changed, she wasn’t the shy, scared Holly anymore, and she was the brave and kind Holly that everyone likes.
‘How are we going to get back up?’ I asked
‘Remember the vine; I still have some with me. Holly said merrily.
We found a rock and tied it to the vine and threw it up, it landed on a ledge. One by one, we began our journey back into the school yard, sunlight leaked though the tiny door and we followed it and found our way back to school.
‘3:30, school’s finished’ Holly checked her watch.
‘Can you help me with this question, asked ten times twenty-six? I asked
‘Two hundred and sixty.’ Holly answered.
On the next day, I arrived at school feeling so happy.
‘Morning’ Holly cooed.
Before school, holly helped me study for my spelling exam, I feel super confident now thanks to Holly.
‘Briar, A+’ Mr. Grumpybottom shouted as usual in his loud voice.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Briar, the world’s worst speller got A+ on her spelling exam! That would’ve gotten headline news!!
‘Briar, I know you are very upset about your mother, but you have to move on with life.’
Holly said kindly.
‘You’re right! And I know just how to start it. I said confidently.
‘How?’ Holly asked curiously.
‘A question, will you be my friend forever?’ I asked Holly.
|
评分
-
查看全部评分
|
更新完毕：维省小镇Bright的枫叶情报-摄影点-行山路径分享-2021 (2021-4-1) 微服出巡 
Michael Jackson 超白金歌曲（87楼起有奖竞猜！10月31日截止） (2008-9-4) steveking 
发表于 2014-12-21 20:50
, 读oc的?