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这个对很多人来说,都发生在自己的身上过,很有趣的调整情绪和情绪自我意识的一个练习。
Learning by Doing -- How Would You Treat a Friend?: The Why and the How
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TIME REQUIRED
15 minutes. While it may be hard to find time to do this practice every time you are struggling with a difficult situation at work, an initial goal could be to try it once a month.
HOW TO DO IT
Work can be stressful, overwhelming, and leave us feeling insecure in our abilities at times. When these and other challenges from work arise, it is important to practice self-compassion. Take out a sheet of paper or open a blank document on your computer and go through the following steps.
First, think about times when a close friend feels really bad about him or herself or is really struggling in some way. How do you respond to your friend in these situations (if you’re at your best)? Please write down what you typically do and say, and note the tone in which you talk to your friend.
Now think about times when you feel inadequate or are struggling at work. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Please write down what you typically do and say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself.
Did you notice a difference? If so, ask yourself why. What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently?
Write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself when you’re suffering in the same way you typically respond to a close friend.
Next time you are facing a challenge at work, try treating yourself like a good friend and see what happens.
WHY YOU SHOULD TRY IT
Research suggests that people are usually harder on themselves than they are on others. Rather than motivating them to succeed, this often makes a mistake or stressful situation even more stressful—to the point that they’ll simply avoid new or challenging experiences for fear of failing and eliciting a new wave of self-criticism. When we are struggling at work, practicing self-compassion can relieve the pressure we feel and build strength to tackle challenges that arise.
This exercise asks you to notice the differences between the way you typically treat the people you care about and the way you typically treat yourself. It also asks you to consider why there may be differences between the two, and to contemplate what would happen to your well-being and performance at work if you treated yourself as compassionately as you treat others. Research suggests that treating yourself more compassionately can benefit your physical and mental health. Using self-compassion for workplace challenges remedies stress while preventing burnout.
WHY IT WORKS
It is often easy to be hard on ourselves at work. Yet research shows that a lack of self-compassion for workplace challenges leads to chronic stress and burnout. To relieve stress and counter burnout, it is important to treat ourselves as we would a friend when we are struggling at work.
Further research suggests that the way people treat themselves is shaped in part by how others have treated them, but it can also be influenced by how they treat others. Because people often find it more natural to be compassionate toward others than to be compassionate toward themselves in a challenging situation, one way to increase self-compassion is to imagine what one would say to a friend in a similar position, then direct those same sentiments toward oneself.
Reflecting on how kind you are capable of being toward others can remind you that you are also capable of being kind toward yourself—and that you deserve compassion, too. By treating yourself with this kind of sympathy and understanding—rather than beating yourself up—you help yourself bounce back from workplace challenges with greater resilience.
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