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最近跟儿子的一段对话，让我想到了奖惩这个话题。想写下来，也许可以作为＂奖惩无用＂这一 蒙氏观点的一个案例.
下面是用英文写的，因为实在没有时间打字了，请大家多多包涵.
We parents often use rewards and punishment to guide/regulate our childen’s behavour. I believe that there are pros and cons using these stratergies and that we need to be careful when/how/how much we use them. For example, we should acknowledge their efforts rather than praise them for their strength/talents; we should never link anyone’s achievements with his/her worth.
I’d like to share a recent conversation between myself and our 6 year old son. Reflecting on it, I thought this might be a good example on when not to use reward.
Here is a bit of background: Son is allowed two 20-min Ipad sessions on Saturdays and Sundays and he is expected to set up a timer and stop without the need to be reminded. One Saturday, he ignored the timer and yielded to the temptatio to play longer. As the consequece he was only allowed one session the next day.
Son: Mum, I feel really bored…
Mother: Oh… you haven’t used your Ipad time yet this afternoon. Why don’t you…
Son: But, mum,remember I cannot play Ipad this afternoon?
Mother: Oh! I forgot! Thank you for being honest!
Half an hour later.
Son: Mum, may I paly Ipad? I was being honest.
Mother: Thank you for being honest. Good on you! But, sorry, you can’t.
Son: By being hoenst, I only suffered loss! Why should I be punished for being honest?
Mother:
Why? If being honest brings convinience and self-interest, everyone in this world would be honest! Honesty is so precious precisely because it brings you inconvicience and loss!
You should be honest not because it brings you any benefit, but because God wants you to be a truthful person. By being honest, you lost 20mi Ipad time, but you’ve won God’s approval.
Son: OK… but I lost Ipad time…
Mother: Do you love God? Are you glad that you are becoming more like the person God wants you to be?
Son: Yes.
Mother: Do you want me to be an honest person?
Son: Yes!
Mother: There a group of people, who are all very honest, and there are another group of people, who are all quite dishonest and often lie to one another. Which group of people do you think would be happier?
Son: The group who are honest.
Mother: Right! Imagin if you cannot trust your friends! Imagin if the products people are selling are bad ones, not the good ones as claimed!
At the end of the conversation, Son was quite determined that everyone in this would must be honest!
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参加活动 那一碗桂花酒酿圆子汤 (2011-4-16) 明河素月 
发表于 2020-6-5 17:52
